Today was the Tallahassee Half Marathon. I went out for an easy run and in support of all my Boot Camp friends. I came home ready to take Boston next weekend at the Donna Marathon.
All week I had been floundering between anxiety and terror. Anxious because I have put all this pressure on myself to come in under 3 hours and 40 mins. Terrified because I’m not sure that I’m up for the job. But today, I finally decided that I am not one to give into fear. I know I can run 10 miles at sub-marathon pace. I know I can run 17 miles at sub-marathon pace. I know that if I want to, I can make my body do anything. 3 hours and 40 mins? That’s not even a sixth of my day. It IS possible to dedicate my whole self to a task for the length of time it takes to watch 8 episodes of The Office.
Karen and I watched a female athlete finish the marathon for a course record of 2 hours and 43 minutes. She collapsed after crossing the finish line. I know at the time I was thinking, “why would someone do that to her body?” But now I’m in awe of the drive and complete mental toughness that it takes to push through that much pain to get something that you want. Don’t look at me like I’m crazy. Come on, there is something out there that each of us wants that bad. Most of the time, we’re just not willing to step out of our comfort zone to get it. Finding out what you are made of is nothing to scoff at. I am finished living just within reach of my capabilities.
I have to give a guy that I don’t even know credit for inspiring my blog title. Cole and I have a mutual friend that introduced us on Facebook because we both run. Before the race, he posted, “Do or die trying.” He was out this morning running the Full and came within 60 seconds of Boston qualifying time. I would have been in agony. He said he’ll get it next time. Makes sense. Give all you can give and if it’s not enough, get it next time. Takes a lot of the stress off. Though, I have to admit, part of the reason I want Boston so bad at Donna is so there won’t have to be a next time. (Until I run the Boston Marathon, that is.) I enjoy slow trail running so much more than these long, fast road races, but going to Boston is something that I’ve had my eye on since I was 17. So it has been 10 years in the making, but I’ve finally got my chance and all I can say is I want what I want.