Muffin of Evil

No fewer than five people have told me how amazing Tomato Land is. That’s quite impressive A) for Tallahassee and B) considering I don’t know that many people. So when I found myself starving, on my way home and about to pass right by, I made the split-second decision, flipped on my right turn indicator and parked in their tiny lot. Spending probably an inappropriate amount of time looking at their menu, I was asked twice by an enthusiastic employee if I was ready to order. My problem was that they are not very paleo friendly. Fried okra, fried tomatoes, locally sourced cheeses, artisan breads. Drool. I considered ordering a salmon sandwich sans bread, but went instead with sides: sweet potato fries, roasted root vegetables and collard greens.

Very proud of my paleo meal (which wasn’t strictly paleo – the fries had a delectable dusting of sugar [like something a fairy/crack dealer would sprinkle atop your food] which I half-heartedly knocked off and the roasted root veggies had blue potatoes which were picked out after I unmasked them [by taste, of course]), I got back in the car, unclasped the styrofoam lid and was slapped in the face with this:

The first temptation of Megan.

Immediately, the voice inside my head spoke out:

“Oh my god, I am going to eat that.”

“Okay, I’m going to eat half that.”

“Who would know?” “No one would know.”

“I’ll have one bite.”

“Are you kidding, with the ‘one bite?'”

And so the bargaining began:

“Stop thinking about it.”

“Just eat the rest of your food and pray you’re too full for it.”

“You cannot eat that.”

“You can smell it and have one bite.”

“Here’s the dealio: no bite, smell okay…and one lick.”

“I’ll lick it.”

That’s where we stood. I snapped the photo so I could proudly blog once again about my amazing willpower. I finished my super yummy lunch and settled on smelling, but not eating the muffin. We looked each other in the eye, I picked him up, broke him in half and as the fluffy goodness inside exposed itself, I caught scent of sweet corn and butter. In other words: perfection, in the shape of a muffin.

My resolve began to crumble:

“I could have just one bite.”

“I wouldn’t have to tell anyone.”

“No one would ever find out.”

“JUST STUFF IT IN YOUR MOUTH! QUICK!”

“This isn’t a horrible way to flex. One little, buttery, golden corn muffin.”

Luckily, I have the blog to hold me accountable. I knew the ensuing guilt would prevent me from burying my corn muffin secret deep inside and I would eventually have to reveal that I fraternized with the enemies: grains. Thank you, blog (and by blog, I mean blog readers), for making me responsible for my actions. The few times that I have eaten out since beginning paleo, I have been able to specialize my order. No bread, no potatoes, no cheese. That didn’t really feel like a sacrifice because I never had to see the offenders doing their seductive dance on my plate, so very close to my fork. Today was different. I saw him, he saw me and I had to tell him to his little corn face: I don’t want to eat you. This corn muffin brought me to the cusp of my paleo faithfulness but I am proud to say I kept my balance and both feet remain firmly on the non-grain-eating ground. Cavemen rejoice!

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About Megan

I live and work with dogs in Tallahassee, Fl. My loves are in this order: 1. Dogs 2. Food 3. Coffee 4. Endurance Sports
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9 Responses to Muffin of Evil

  1. Good job!!!! Defeating one evil muffin at a time! My issue is orange cranberry muffins. Oh sure, I can find a “paleo” recipe but I would over eat on them. they are like CRACK!

    I’m proud of you, really I am! It’s tough trying to thwart the temptations. I tell friends I’m eating an all natural, clean unprocessed grain and dairy free diet. They ask “so, what about whole grains…?” o_o guess I should have been more specific… Lol

  2. Megan says:

    Thanks for the encouragement!! Muffins were always a temptation for me. Any kind. Even those gross ones in the baggies you get at the gas station. Good job to you too. It’s not easy when your friends don’t understand your diet. For sure.

  3. Joe says:

    Good job!!!! I’m super impressed with your dedication and willpower. So…….what did you do with the muffin? Not that it would still be fresh when I see you to run on Friday anyway, just curious.

  4. Robin Adams says:

    Megen, I swear. You can make me do the out loud belly laugh with the voices in your head!! You are too much . . . And yay for Tomato Land!

  5. Michelle says:

    Oh man, so funny! I love your blog Megan. No harm in sniffing the baked goods now and then, and I can totally see you doing this. Keep up the good work!

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